Big T vs. Little t Trauma: Why Every Story and Wound Matters

Have you ever wondered what “Big T” and “little t” trauma really mean?
If you’ve heard these terms thrown around and thought, What does that even look like in real life? — you’re not alone.

I’m Maggie Weldon, founder of Leaving TraumaLand, and today I want to talk with you about something that changed the way I understood my own healing: the difference between big T and little t trauma, why both matter, and why you should never compare your story to anyone else’s.

What Big T Trauma Really Means

When we hear the word “trauma,” most of us think immediately of the big, obvious events — the ones that people easily recognize as harmful. These are what we call Big T traumas.

Big T trauma refers to major life events that overwhelm a child’s ability to cope. And although I focus mainly on childhood trauma, big T trauma can absolutely happen in adulthood too.

Some examples include:

• Physical abuse

• Sexual abuse

• Emotional or psychological abuse

• Severe neglect

• Being raised by a caretaker with serious mental health issues

• Having a parent incarcerated

• Witnessing violence

• Losing a parent

• Living with a caretaker who struggles with drug or alcohol addiction

These are the kinds of traumas that, when you hear someone talk about them, you instantly understand the impact. They’re painful, devastating, and deeply life-altering.

And for many people, big T trauma becomes the anchor point of their healing journey — the thing they know they need to face, even if it’s terrifying.

But trauma doesn’t just come in the form of big, dramatic events.

Sometimes it shows up quietly, subtly… and repeatedly.

The Quiet Pain of Little t Trauma

Now let’s talk about something just as important but often overlooked: little t trauma.

Little t traumas are the smaller, more chronic experiences that wear down a child’s sense of safety over time. They aren’t always recognized as “trauma,” but they absolutely impact the way we grow, think, feel, and relate to others.

Some examples of little t trauma include:

• Being constantly pressured to succeed

• Being disciplined in harsh or shaming ways

• Parents who argue all the time

• Being bullied at school

• Frequently moving homes or schools

• Chronic illness

• Losing a pet

• Minor but consistent emotional neglect

• Divorce or separation in the family

These experiences may seem “smaller,” but they accumulate. And when they stack up over years, they can create the same level of impact as a major traumatic event.

In some cases, little t trauma can be even more damaging because it happens quietly, without anyone noticing — including the person experiencing it.

Why Little t Trauma Is Often Minimized

Here’s the biggest problem:

People with many little t traumas tend to minimize what they went through.

They say things like:

• “Other people had it worse.”

• “My trauma wasn’t that bad.”

• “I shouldn’t feel upset — I deserved it.”

• “It was just normal in my family.”

I once had someone say to me, “Well, I got hit as a kid, but I deserved it.”
And I remember thinking, Oh my goodness. I can’t imagine ever hitting my grandchildren or thinking they deserved harm.

Children don’t deserve abuse.
Children don’t deserve fear.
Children don’t deserve to be shamed, pressured, ignored, or overwhelmed.

Every child deserves protection, safety, and love.

But when you grow up not getting that, you normalize it. You start believing that your pain is insignificant, or worse — that it was your fault.

It was not your fault.

And it matters more than you think.

It’s Not About the Type of Trauma — It’s About the Impact

One of the most important things I want you to understand is this:

Healing is not about comparing your trauma to someone else’s.

It’s about understanding the impact that trauma — big or small — had on you.

• How did it shape your behavior?

• How does it affect your relationships?

• How does it show up in your body?

• How does it impact the way you see yourself or the world?

• What patterns has it created in your adult life?

That’s what matters.

Two people can experience the same event and have completely different responses.
And two people can have different traumas and end up with the same emotional wounds.

Comparison has no place in healing.
Compassion does.

The Hidden Trauma That Comes From NOT Working on Your Trauma

There is another form of trauma I talk about — and while I can’t claim I “invented” the idea, I’ve seen it again and again in survivors:

The trauma that comes from avoiding your trauma.

When you don’t work on your trauma, you end up:

• Carrying emotional “garbage bags” filled with painful memories

• Living in constant fear or shutdown

• Reacting from old wounds instead of grounded clarity

• Repeating dysfunctional patterns

• Feeling stuck, overwhelmed, or numb

• Living a half-life instead of a whole one

Avoidance becomes its own form of trauma.
And it follows you everywhere.

I’ve been there.

My Own Turning Point: When Trauma Gave Me No Choice

At one point in my life, my trauma was so overwhelming that it became a matter of survival. I was suicidal. Everything inside me felt like it was going to explode. My emotions, my memories, the pain — it was too much.

My therapist once told me:

“Your trauma forced you to heal because you couldn’t live with it anymore.”

And she was right.

My trauma was so severe — the big T and the little t — that I had no choice. It was either heal… or die.

I chose to heal.
And I thank God I did.

In a way, I’m grateful my trauma shouted loudly enough that I couldn’t ignore it. Some people don’t get that push. Their trauma stays quiet, manageable, tolerable… until it steals decades from them without them ever realizing what happened.

The Danger of “It’s Not That Bad”

A lot of people with little t trauma learn to “just get by.”

They live life in mediocrity:

• functioning, but not free

• coping, but not growing

• moving forward, but never feeling fully alive

It becomes a life that looks like a roller coaster, but without any of the thrill — just ups and downs, numbness and overwhelm, feeling “fine” but never fulfilled.

That breaks my heart, because healing is possible.
Joy is possible.
Peace is possible.

But you have to stop minimizing your pain.

A Moment That Changed the Way I Saw My Future

I’ll never forget this moment.

I was walking out of a grocery store, and I saw several elderly women — in their 80s — shuffling toward a shuttle bus heading back to their assisted-living center.

As I watched them, I had this surreal moment where I thought:

“That’s going to be me one day.
When I look back at my life, what do I want to see?”

And I smiled.

Because I was proud of the life I had built.
Proud of how I faced every challenge, even in fear.
Proud that I chose courage over avoidance.

I want that feeling for you too.
I want you to reach the end of your life and feel proud of the work you did to heal your heart.

Your Pain Matters — Always

If no one has ever told you this, let me be the first:

Your pain matters.
Your story matters.
Your healing matters.

Big T or little t — trauma impacts you.
And you deserve to understand that impact with compassion, not judgment.

That’s why I created a free 22-page booklet that dives deeper into big T and little t trauma. It includes:

• An extensive trauma checklist

• A breakdown of trauma responses

• The healing framework I developed over 12+ years

• Tools to help you begin your own trauma recovery journey

The link is below.
Please download it. Not for me — for you.

There Is So Much Possible on the Other Side of Trauma

There is so much waiting for you on the other side.

You don’t have to keep carrying those invisible garbage bags.
You don’t have to keep minimizing your pain.
You don’t have to wait until life forces you to heal.

You can start now.
Gently.
One small step at a time.

And when you do, your life will begin to open in ways you never imagined.

Start Your Healing Journey Today

If you’re ready to understand your trauma more deeply — and start moving toward peace — take the next step:

👉 Download my free 22-page trauma recovery guide, “A Path to Peace.”
👉 Explore my 26-week trauma recovery program.
👉 Subscribe on YouTube for more healing conversations with others.

Your pain is real.
Your healing is possible.
And you don’t have to do it alone.

I’m here with you.