The Day That Changed My Life: Steven’s Story of Trauma and Healing

In 2013, I took a trip that changed me forever. I didn’t know it at the time. I didn’t know that a simple visit to an old friend — someone I hadn’t seen in 40 years — would become one of the most defining moments of my healing journey. But life has a way of placing us exactly where we need to be, even when we don’t understand it yet.

This is the story of my friend Steven.
It’s the story that ignited my passion for helping trauma survivors.
And it’s the story I hope will stay with you long after you finish reading.

A Trip I Was Afraid to Take

I was living in North Carolina when I got the invitation to visit Steven in Colorado. He was in the final stages of lung cancer, and deep down I knew — this would be the last time I’d ever see him. I was overwhelmed and anxious, and my heart felt heavy.

Before leaving for the airport, I said a prayer.

I asked God, “Please help me be who I need to be for Steven.”

And that prayer carried me through the entire trip.

When I arrived, we had a beautiful dinner together — Steven, his older sister, one of my high school friends — laughter, stories, catching up on 40 years of distance. On the outside, it looked like a simple reunion. But underneath, there was a lifetime of pain Steven had never spoken aloud.

Steven’s Life — A Lifetime of Unprocessed Trauma

Steven was one of the sweetest, most childlike souls you’d ever meet. He had this gentle, endearing way about him — so funny, so tender.

But behind that sweetness was a lifetime of trauma.

He had what our family called “nervous breakdowns,” starting when he was in pharmacy school. He was in his final year when one hit so hard he had to quit. After that, he lived with his mother, relied heavily on his sister, and struggled to function independently. Sometimes they had to go to court on his behalf because he would do things like pull a fire alarm inside a building.

He never had relationships — not romantic ones, not long-term meaningful ones. His entire life was shaped by something he never talked about.

Not until that week.
Not until he talked to me.

“Can We Talk?” — The Moment Everything Shifted

The next day, Steven asked if I could drive him to his counseling appointment. Of course, I said yes. Before that, he wanted to go to his favorite restaurant — KFC — so we went. We ate. We laughed. And then he said:

“Can we talk?”

I said yes.

He began by apologizing for what happened to me when I was young. He knew about it because years ago, a magazine had written an article about my pottery — and in it, I had shared a part of my trauma story. A few people found out through that article, and Steven was one of them.

I told him,

“Steven, I’ve forgiven everyone. I’ve worked through my trauma. It’s as if no trauma has ever happened to me.”

And then he said the sentence that broke my heart:

“I wish I would have done that with mine.”

I asked him what he meant.

That’s when he told me the truth.

At seven years old, while at camp, a priest raped him and threatened to kill him if he ever told anyone. And he never told a soul — until that day, sitting across from me in a KFC.

He was telling his secret for the first time
in the final weeks of his life.

I told him I was so sorry.
I told him I loved him.
He joked, “What? You love me like pizza?”
I said, “No, I love you.”

He was so fragile, so earnest, so broken.
And my heart cracked open for him.

The Counseling Session That Revealed Everything

After lunch, I drove him to his counseling appointment. When the counselor came out, she invited me to join them. I remember thinking, “This never happens.” But I said yes.

It was a dimly lit room. Steven and his counselor sat across from me. I sat in a chair asking God silently:

“Why am I here? What is the purpose of this moment?”

The counselor asked Steven questions — about closure, about his life, about what he still carried.

And then Steven said the sentence that changed me:

“Basically, I let what happened to me when I was young destroy my entire life.”

Word for word — I still remember the exact tone of his voice.

And in that moment, I knew.
I knew exactly why I was in that room.

I was there to witness the difference between what happens when someone heals their trauma — and what happens when someone never does.

I transcended mine.
Steven lived with his… every day, for 55 years.

That realization hit me like a tidal wave.

Saying Goodbye

After therapy, I took him back to his assisted-living apartment — a quiet, financially supported complex. I knew when I hugged him goodbye that I would never see him again.

I drove away sobbing.
Not just crying — sobbing.
The kind of sobbing that makes you pull over because you can’t see the road.

I pulled into a shopping center, stumbled into a bookstore, and tried to pull myself together. I just needed to sit. I needed to breathe. I needed to process what had just happened. None of my friends or family were answering their phones. I had no one to tell.

I felt like I was drowning in grief.

A Stranger Walked Up to Me…

And then, out of nowhere, a young man approached me. He started talking about a situation he experienced on a plane — how it left him with fear and limitations.

And I just knew:
I was meant to talk to him.

I told him what had just happened with Steven. I told him:

“Don’t let your trauma dictate your entire life. Steven didn’t have the chance to work on his anymore. You do.”

He listened.
Something in him shifted.
He heard me.

That moment felt divine — as if Steven’s story was meant to be carried forward, immediately, into someone else’s life.

The Birth of My Calling

When I returned to Steven’s sister’s house, she came toward me, and I completely fell apart. I couldn’t hold it together. I asked if she knew what had happened to Steven. I don’t remember her answer — the whole moment was a blur of grief and clarity.

But I do remember this:

That day awakened something in me.

In October 2013, my mission became clear:

To help trauma survivors heal
before they reach the point
where they no longer have the chance.

Steven didn’t have options left.
He had only days — maybe weeks.
And only then did the truth surface.

I didn’t want that to happen to anyone else.

The Hard Truth About Trauma

Steven was 62. That’s not old.
And trauma survivors — especially those with multiple “Big T” traumas — often face a drastically shortened lifespan.

Trauma steals decades.
It steals relationships.
It steals functioning.
It steals inner peace.

Steven never had a partner.
Never had children.
Never fully functioned independently.
Fear lived inside him like a shadow he could never escape.

His functioning was compromised not because he was broken —
but because his trauma remained unhealed.

Your Healing Matters — More Than You Know

If you’ve read this far, I want to tell you something from the deepest, most honest part of my heart:

Healing is not your fault — but it is your opportunity.

You don’t have to live the way Steven lived.
You don’t have to carry shame that never belonged to you.
You don’t have to keep pushing everything away.

Your younger self didn’t know the danger.
You didn’t understand consequences.
You couldn’t comprehend vulnerability.
Your brain wasn’t developed enough to protect you.

The shame belongs to the person who harmed you — never to you.

And healing is possible.
Not easy — but possible.

Even if you feel tired.
Even if you feel lost.
Even if you don’t feel ready.

The strength will come when you begin.

Let Steven’s Story Guide You Forward

I think about Steven often.
His kindness. His innocence.
His secret. His suffering.
His final words in that dim counseling room.

“Basically, I let what happened to me when I was young destroy my entire life.”

I was meant to hear that.
And I’m sharing it with you so you don’t repeat his story.

Please — for yourself, your future, your peace — commit to healing. One small step. One tiny act of courage. Every day.

Your life can be more than survival.
You deserve more than fear.
And it is never, ever too late to begin.

Start With One Step Today

If Steven’s story touched your heart, take one gentle step toward your own healing today.

👉 Download my free 22-page trauma recovery guide, “A Path to Peace.”
👉 Explore my 26-week trauma recovery program.
👉 Subscribe on YouTube for more healing conversations with others.

You’re not alone.
You’re not broken.
You’re worthy of healing.

And I’m right here with you.