How Survivors Heal: Safety, Courage, and Work - A Therapist’s Wisdom & A Survivor’s Journey (Part 3 of 3)

If you’ve ever wondered what actually makes counseling work — what helps a trauma survivor feel safe, open up, and truly heal — this conversation is for you.

I’m Maggie Weldon, founder of Leaving TraumaLand, and this is part of a three-part series of talks I filmed with Lynne, my very first good counselor. I worked with her for eight and a half years, starting when I was 27 years old with a three-year-old and a nine-month-old, and my life was completely falling apart.

In this part, I want to share what Lynne taught me about:

• How counselors help survivors feel safe

• Why love and unconditional regard matter

• The power of doing work outside of therapy

• The practical lessons that changed my life

• Why commitment and courage are at the heart of healing

My hope is that as you read, you’ll see what’s possible for you too.

Unconditional Regard: The Secret Ingredient of Safety

I asked Lynne a question I think many survivors would love to know the answer to:

“How did you help survivors feel safe enough to open up to you? Were there specific skills you were taught?”

Her answer centered on one powerful concept:

Unconditional positive regard.

Lynne said that her clients could feel that no matter what they told her, she still thought they were wonderful. She didn’t judge them. She didn’t pull away. She didn’t flinch.

It wasn’t a technique she “performed.” It was genuine. Real love and deep compassion that came from a humanistic perspective — a belief that people are worthy, lovable, and capable of growth, no matter what they’ve been through.

And I felt that with her.
Every single session.

Love as a Healing Force

Lynne introduced me to the book The Road Less Traveled by M. Scott Peck and told me she wished every survivor would read it. Wanting to be the perfect Lynne client, I read it five times over the years. My copy is worn, taped, and full of notes.

One of the core ideas in that book is that a therapist must extend love to their clients for healing to happen — and that clients feel that love.

That’s exactly what I experienced with Lynne.

I knew she loved me.
She believed in me long before I believed in myself.

Maggie: Even now, as a coach working with trauma survivors through Zoom, I see the same thing from the other side. I once finished a session with a client and we were both in tears. She said, “You’ve totally changed my life. I’m so grateful for you. I love you.” And I told her, “I love you too.”

The connection is real — even through a screen.
Love and unconditional regard still translate.

If You’re Raising Kids and Carrying Trauma

I asked Lynne what one piece of advice she’d give someone like I was when I first met her: struggling with past trauma, raising kids, and desperate to break the cycle.

Her answer was simple and steady:

• Go through the therapy.

• Go as slow as you need to.

• If it’s too overwhelming, back off for a moment — but don’t quit.

• Keep talking.

• Put what happened into words.

• Share not just the events, but your feelings and how it affected your self-esteem.

She said:

You can get through this. I promise you can get through it. You just need to bite the bullet and talk about it.

It’s the talking — the telling of the truth — that gets it out of your system.

Why Doing Work Outside of Therapy Matters

During my healing journey, I did a lot of work outside my sessions with Lynne.

I journaled constantly.
I read books.
I explored different perspectives.
I tried to understand what had happened to me and how it shaped me.

I brought that work back into therapy.

I read The Road Less Traveled.
Then I found John Bowlby’s work on attachment and separation, which helped me understand my abandonment wounds from early foster care.

I asked Lynne how important it is for survivors to use additional resources — like books, courses, and programs — alongside therapy.

She said it’s incredibly valuable.

Different authors, teachers, and programs may say similar things, but each in a different way — and sometimes one voice will resonate in a way others don’t. Bringing that back into therapy, discussing it, and processing it with a trusted counselor amplifies its impact.

Her message was:
Use whatever helps. Bring it with you. Talk about it.

The Lessons From Lynne That Changed My Life

Toward the end of our conversation, I shared some of the key lessons I learned from Lynne over the years — the things that quietly rewired my life.

Here are a few of them.

1. Trust Your Gut

Lynne would often ask me:

Is that in your head or in your gut?

That simple question helped me reconnect with my intuition. It taught me to listen to the part of me that felt the truth, not just the part of me that thought it to death.

2. Notice Your Age Inside

Sometimes she would ask:

How old are you right now?

Not physically — emotionally.

That question helped me realize when a younger part of me was running the show — a scared child, a hurt teenager — and helped me respond with more compassion.

3. Free Association and Curiosity

Lynne encouraged me to let my mind wander in free association — to notice what images, thoughts, and memories came up without judgment. Sometimes these turned into daydream-like scenes that contained important threads of truth.

She taught me not to shut it down or label it as “weird,” but to get curious.

4. Things Weren’t All Bad

Lynne reminded me that if things had been all bad in my childhood, I probably wouldn’t have survived.

There was love there too — even if it was mixed with dysfunction and harm. Recognizing that helped me see nuance instead of all-or-nothing thinking. It taught me to look for silver linings and hold onto hope.

5. Back Burner the Non-Emergencies

When I first started therapy, our finances were a mess. I constantly wanted to work on money issues. Lynne would say:

You have to back burner that. This is more important.

She promised there would come a time when I’d have the capacity to tackle finances — after the trauma work. And she was right. Today, I handle money well because the trauma isn’t clogging my mental bandwidth anymore.

6. “How Else Could You Have Handled That?”

As a young mom, I often brought parenting situations to Lynne. With my own mother being mentally ill, I didn’t have a healthy role model.

Lynne would ask:

How else could you have handled that?

That question opened doors. It helped me build a new parenting toolbox instead of automatically repeating what I’d seen growing up.

7. Don’t Throw the Baby Out With the Bathwater

She reminded me that life is not black and white. Healthy people and situations can hold both good and bad qualities. Trauma often teaches us all-or-nothing thinking, but Lynne helped me find the gray areas.

8. You Loved Me Unconditionally

One of the most healing pieces was knowing I could say anything to her and she would stay. She reminded me again and again:

You are not crazy.
You are not evil.
You are not broken.

That kind of steady love changes a person.

“You Helped Save My Life”

At the end of our talk, I read Lynne a thank-you letter. I told her:

You helped save my life.
You helped me get through years of panic attacks and depression.
You were like the mother I never had.
You let me bring all my stuff to you every week.
You helped me piece together my shattered life when I didn’t know how.

And now, because of you, I get to guide others on that same path — helping them leave TraumaLand behind.

She smiled and said she was glad she could help facilitate my growth — but reminded me that I did the work.

And she’s right.
But I couldn’t have done it without her.

Facing the Dragon: Why Commitment Matters

Toward the end, Lynne said something that summed it all up:

You were determined.
You decided, “I’m going to get through this. I’m going to do what I have to do.”

That’s what I now teach in my own course:

The mission has to become more important than the pain you’ll have to walk through to complete it.

You don’t have to like the process.
You don’t have to feel fearless.
You just have to commit.

Whatever black holes you have to look into, whatever conversations make you nervous, whatever memories feel terrifying — you keep your eye on the mission:

Healing.
Freedom.
Peace.
Breaking the cycle for your kids.

You don’t push it down anymore. You deal with it.

As Lynne said:

You will expend more energy over a lifetime trying to hold trauma down than you will going to therapy and letting it go.

You Can Come Out the Other Side

Lynne believes — and I do too — that when someone is willing to face their issues, they can come out the other side free to develop their true talents.

Trauma pushes all your energy inward, into survival, shame, and self-protection. Healing frees that energy back up for creativity, connection, and purpose.

You may not feel brave right now.
You may feel exhausted, scared, and unsure.

But if you’re reading this, some part of you is already leaning toward healing.

That part matters.
That part is enough to start.

Take the Next Step on Your Healing Journey

If this conversation with Lynne touched your heart, here are a few gentle next steps you can take:

If this conversation resonated with you, I invite you to take one gentle, brave step today:

👉 Download my free 22-page trauma recovery guide, “A Path to Peace.”
👉 Back to Part 1
👉 Back to Part 2

You don’t have to be perfect.
You don’t have to be fearless.

You just have to be willing to take one step.
And then another.

I’m here walking this road with you.